Deep within me I want to be back on that horse, picking its way down the slope of Mt. Pacaya. My soul needs to catch up with my body.
I love what we, my husband and I, do in providing care for missionaries in Europe, but it finally dawned on me that my soul lags behind my body as we travel from place to place. To be honest, I hadn’t been able to pinpoint my quandary until I read the quote mentioned in my last posting, The soul travels by horseback. (Harry Mulisch)
Time with our missionaries is a delight. Conversations are meaningful and deep, as well as lighthearted and full of laughter. In the last month of meeting with some of these dear people we have traveled, conversed, traveled, cried, traveled, listened, traveled, chuckled, and traveled…by plane, metro, car, shuttle, train, bus, and tram…to homes, coffee shops, conference rooms, churches, hotel rooms, restaurants, and malls…you get the idea. Upon arriving home and sleeping in our own bed, I expected to be “as good as new” in short order. But, I wasn’t.
My heart and mind were in Europe one minute and in Minnesota with my body the next. I didn’t know how to respond when asked about our trip. My heart ricocheted against my rib cage and my answers grew flat. I didn’t know what to do with my disorientation.
And then. The soul travels by horseback. The soul. My soul. Space and time are needed. To think. To ponder. To be. To absorb. To assimilate. There are two sides to my heart. One side is in Europe, the other is in Minnesota. Each claimed by those whom we love and with whom we do life. Somehow I must learn to live with this dichotomy inside of me and allow my soul the freedom to catch up.
My heart is drawn to the advice of the Guatemalan boy. Lay back. Balance with the horse. Breathe deeply. Drink in the night sky. Travel at the speed of the horse for there is no other choice.
Lay back. Balance. Listen. Slowly.
God, the one and only—I’ll wait as long as he says. Everything I need comes from him, He’s solid rock under my feet, breathing room for my soul… Psalm 62:1-2